Relationship Therapy

Most people who come to relationship counseling come alone.  It is not necessary to have both parties available.  Also, often the issue people seek help with in relationship therapy is a general problem of difficulties relating, or difficulties maintaining relationships. This can include romantic relationships, friendships, immediate family members, or collegial relationships.  

Perhaps you have tried to no avail to repair relationships yourself.  Perhaps it feels like it is all them and you don’t understand what role you play if any.  Of course this can be the case.  Sometimes we have very difficult people in our lives. Together in relationship therapy, we investigate the specifics of the problems you run into and we work to figure out your part.  For example, it could be that you inadvertently become angry, sad, or defensive when we discuss certain issues pertaining to relationship problems. This is a sign for us that we have something to investigate and work through together.  We may discuss strategies to better deal with certain persons in your life.  Or we may discuss strategies for you to better deal with certain aspects of yourself, in response to certain people. Therapy or counseling for relationship issues means we take a deep dive into your inner life and what certain people trigger in you. 

We may discover that you have a tendency to repeat the same dysfunctional relationship over and over.  You may know yourself what your unfinished business is with some of these people.  It is not uncommon to hear phrases like, “I know what I’m doing, I’m repeating the past, but I can’t seem to stop”.  Or “why do I always attract these kinds of people”. This of course is a great topic for deeper investigation in relationship counseling.  You already have an area of focus.  Together we figure out where this originated or what unfinished business you think you have.  

Whatever brings you to relationship counseling, our job is to decipher the underlying issue that you have control over and can work through.  Other times, it could be that we simply work on better and healthier communication patterns and strategies to deal with certain persons or situations.  Relationship therapy can help with this.  It is always important to have a goal together.  We cannot change other people, and you do not have to change yourself.  But you can change how you operate.  This we can work on in relationship counseling. 

This is a great question and not an uncommon problem.  How can relationship therapy help when you want to get through interactions with others that you choose to partake in, but suffer through? Because again, we are not here to change others.  Yet, if we can help you change how you manage yourself and your response to those family members (strategies) you may find that you can actually find some enjoyment in future get-togethers. Working through your feelings in relationship counseling can be the first step.  Limit setting and boundaries can be another.  Staying grounded with yourself no matter how “triggered” you are is key.  We can work on this together in our relationship therapy sessions. 

If you are actively trying to find a life partner and you end up disappointed over and over, of course it’s normal to feel disenchanted. It can be particularly difficult if you are in the demographic where all your friends are getting married and starting families for example. 

While we cannot have our goal in relationship therapy be for you to find the perfect person, we can focus on other issues to help you deal with the disappointment of that.  Or maybe you think you have a role in pushing people away.  We can also work on creating a very full life for yourself regardless of relationship status.  It is possible to be a happy single person. We have a lot of prescriptive pressures in our culture to couple up.  Some people rebel against this.  Regardless, relationship therapy is not just about relationships with others.  It is also very much about the relationship with yourself which is the most important one after all. 

We know good therapy works.  Many benefit from much healthier connections following therapy for relationships. These include of course relationships with themselves and by extension with others. Together we set a good framework for our sessions and we keep an eye on our goal to determine whether we are making progress. I often recommend to give it 3 months at first and then we recheck.  If we are on a good track then maybe another few months or maybe we don’t need more time. It all depends on your goals too of course.