It Can Be Harder To Make Friends As An Adult
A lot of people are feeling lonely. All the social media apps communications may feel a bit superficial with people getting stuck scrolling and liking instead of finding and nurturing relationships in person. It can be harder to make friends as an adult simply because you are not necessarily in a situation where you are naturally surrounded by peers. Work relationships are less accessible with the advent of remote or hybrid work situations.
So How Do We Make New Connections And Community As Adults?
Pay attention to that immediate connection you sometimes have with people. Your intuition tells you something about how you mesh with people and don’t ignore this. Show interest and ask questions and don’t forget to follow up with offering to exchange numbers or suggest a coffee coming up. There may be many missed opportunities simply because you didn’t act on them. Finding new friends and connections requires attention and action. I think there is a reason there used to be, or maybe still exists, a “missed connections” section in the old newspapers. Avoidance and inaction keeps you stuck without new friends along the way.
Where Do I Meet New People Then?
Depends on your situation of course. If you are a frequent traveler, you may choose to join tours or sightseeing events with lectures of like minded people. And when you do, make sure you also take initiative to chat with other group members. If they respond positively this could be a potential connection. Don’t wait passively for people to approach you. If you permanently reside in one place, consider joining Meetup groups with interest based themes. You can also join Meetups when you travel. Of course, if you have a particular hobby or interest yourself, research groups in your area or start one yourself. Book clubs or signing up for a class with group participation can be one way. Many athletic activities require other participants. Racket sports for example, can be a great way to make new connections because I cannot think of a single racket sport where you don’t need partners. Think outside of the box and take some risks.
How To Maintain Relationships
Like anything in life, we need to nurture to sustain relationships. This does not have to mean you text regularly or even always meet in person. It is true that geographical distance can make it harder because of course it is easier to call up a friend to meet if you’re both local. Sending notes or calling here and there can go a long way to maintain relationships. Let people know when you think of them instead of just letting that thought be ignored. Make sure you keep track of people’s birthdays not just because Facebook tells you so. Send a note in between holidays as well. Also if it has been a very long time since you last connected, consider reaching out first. People often get stuck because it has been years since the last conversation. But often, hearing from a past acquaintance or friend brings joy and makes you feel important to that person. After all, they remembered you or thought about you and this feels good. So make sure you do the same if you know you have been remiss in connecting.
Don’t Make The Mistake Of Thinking BFF Or Bust
People can have unreasonable expectations of relationships. It is not wrong to be a person who enjoys many acquaintances or casual friendships. Our society can be very prescriptive about “deep connections” and if you don’t have those, it’s looked down upon. After all, people who loved each other deeply end up divorced. The same can be true for friendships. We change throughout life and you and your best friend may not be compatible over a lifetime. This is normal and does not mean you cannot have deep connections if those are the ones you seek. But more lighthearted,”less deep” if you will, relationships are also important. Activity or interest based friends matter too. In fact, the people we interact with regularly in our lives may be more important daily, than the exceptional best friend we rarely see. All relationships are important. It is up to you to nurture them. Of course, if people rarely or never reciprocate then maybe the feelings aren’t mutual. In those cases, it is important that you can recognize this and move on. Don’t make this about yourself and don’t try to force a connection with someone who doesn't show interest. And if you find yourself struggling with patterns of disconnection, unmet expectations, or difficulty navigating closeness, relationship therapy can help you better understand your needs and build stronger, more fulfilling connections.
Be open to new opportunities. They can be everywhere if you keep your eyes and mind open.